Confessions of a Catcher in the Rye Junkie

Deals Made With THE Devil

2011-12-29T12:55:00.002-06:00

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

The other day (yes, I should have blogged about this earlier, because now, I have like two to three blog posts melding in my head - I can't shut myself up - which the family will tell you is not unusual), I made a deal with myself.

It was like making a deal with the devil. Seriously.

Those of you who know me personally know that I took a new job this year - a job that I love immensely (well, 3/4 of it), and for a district that I really feel good about. It's been 15 years since I've been back in the business of publication advising. I left for three good reasons, and those reasons have been kicking my butt for 19 years (the college aged bitter daughter, the Mama's Boy [and don't get me wrong, I love him dearly], and the PITA).

I ~~loved~~ put in my time at home raising them while they were young. I ~~loved~~ survived teaching middle school, but I've really missed teaching A) high schoolers, and B) English, and most especially Journalism. I also reentered the workforce when PITA was almost 4, too quickly, but again, at the right opportunity's knocking. I've been back to work full-time now for 10 solid years, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it doesn't involve sitting in a rocking chair.

Sometimes (okay - a lot of the times), I question my stamina as to why I ever left the professional industry of journalism in the first place in order to teach (see reasons in the 3rd paragraph again) and my reasons for even wanting to be a mother (was I good at nurturing? Many times, I don't think so; certainly, the college aged bitter one tells me that daily when I don't allow her to stay out all night, drink beer excessively in front of me, or play that nasty Nikki Minaj stuff endlessly through the house). Really, I feel comfortable playing around with words, writing to make a point, exposing things by asking a ton of questions - why did I leave journalism again?

"Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same....

So last year, when my predecessor retired, I quickly made the decision (and I mean within seconds of hearing the news) to return to the high school. After living through my 20s and 30s and now rounding out the 40s, I've learned that what is meant to be will be, and what isn't meant to be will not happen, and you live with either consequence. I was happy at the middle school. I had esteem in that position, and I enjoyed the students and the clientele. I could deal with either decision.

I've certainly learned in my "old" age that your life is your life. Hoping, wishing, praying (most times), and manipulating situations doesn't just "make" things happen. You have to indicate your wishes, kick in that desire and ambition, prove yourself, and then settle when something doesn't work out your way, in the name of fate. I've really learned to accept fate. Not that I don't keep trying to change it, mind you.

But that's the purpose of this post really. Tempting and changing fate. I guess I've been pretty good at that my entire life.

"And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back...

But this year, even with the job I love, and the desire to prove my worth, I just entered the school year with the attitude that my life was sacrificed to this job, of being other kids' parent, of selflessly giving of yourself, your time, your energy, your wit and humor, of being "on" 24 hours a day, it seems, that if I give all I have to give to this one aspect of my life, there will be no Jill, no human left to give to anyone else.

My three kids and the husband probably would say so. My whole family would probably say so. It was time I didn't say so.

So on Tuesday, the day after everyone in the household returned to work from the holiday festivities, I should have poured myself into my backlogged grading (and I have a boatload, believe me). I should have knocked out a lot of things - laundry, cleaning this cluttered mess I call an office and a house, but instead, I heard the outdoors calling me. Plus, I also heard several other little voices of guilt calling me - called Christmas cookies, and a whole lot of other little nagging souls telling me I'd better get out there and run.

Besides that, I really had not stuck to my routine the week prior because I was trying to clean up my classroom, turn in 35 pages to the yearbook printer, and help a dozen students pass Personal Finance because they aren't really ready for that kind of class as a sophomore (don't get me started on this personal philosophy - that's a whole ANOTHER blog post)!

For those of you who know me professionally, you know I absolutely hate to grade. I'm on the constant search for true authentic assessment techniques that really help me get a wholistic evaluation of a kid rather than a snapshot in time that you might interpret as your kid being a failure or on top of his world at that moment.

This causes me major stress in my professional life so much so that I change my methodology mid-stream grading or while I am teaching so that I redesign EVERY assessment and sometimes throw the baby out with the bathwater. I spend so much time agonizing over how each score will look reported and how it will reflect on the student performance, and if this assessment truly reflects what the kid knows, what I've taught, and what is essential, that I perfectionistically (yes, I just made up a word) stop productivity in its tracks.

So once I have stacks and stacks of paper backed up, and I sit down and begin to look at it in perspective, I come up with a better way - a more thorough way - I dunno - a totally new way of looking at it, which I try to wrap my head around and then report in a grade-like fashion.

Thus, this causes me to be untimely in feedback, and of course, totally backlogged.

And therein lies some of the cause of my previous weight gain and stress and just giving my life over to this job.

This year, I decided no, I wasn't going to do that. However, since I can't shut my brain off from thinking, and I know my first year in any new position or new school is a learning, listening, looking year - and that I would make mistakes and have to redo my assessment system anyway, I didn't stress about getting all the grades done that I should have. And now, I'm left with an insurmountable amount of grading (that I still want to rethink, but don't have the physical time to anymore) to complete.

So rather than procrastinate - which I also do quite well, thank you - I decided to make a deal with myself, and that devil of grading. I did pretty well Tuesday. Let's not go to the rest of the days of the week so far, although I'm about to invoke that soul selling deal-making again today.

I told myself if I finished one set of Personal Finance tests (the ones I had been working on for SOOO long), I could go out and run the Al Foster trail. And so I set a time limit. I said at 1:45, if I had finished the tests, I would get dressed and go.

That I did. And I'm not sorry, and I'm not feeling guilty. I need to NOT give up on my personal goals this year, or I will be all-consumed, swallowed whole, by this job. And at 46, it just can't happen, or I will cease to exist.

I tried to make the same deal with myself yesterday, Wednesday, but I put too many things in my basket - going to finish the last of my Christmas shopping (yes, you heard me) and solving my Creative Memories Studio login issue finally (problems I've had since September) AND trying to attend a crop all day yesterday, PLUS, shower and ready myself for my first Fleet Feet social group run (another post later - tomorrow).

"I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

In typical Jill-fashion, I try to do too much all at once (including getting this blog post finished). And it gets the best of me.

This year, I'm not letting it get to me. If I get complaints, I get complaints. I'm going as fast as I can. And I'm not sacrificing my life, my running, my sanity, and my love of the outdoors.

I loved being out on the Al Foster Tuesday. And today, I'm going to love being out at Creve Coeur Lake when I get my patoot out there.

Soon, I might just not be able to run. I don't want any regrets. I love teaching, I love my students, and I love the parents where I work, but I also have to love myself. Nature is my spirituality, running is my solace, and if I neglect that to get higher productivity, then what is it all worth?

For this diabetic runner in her mid 40s, it's not worth coming out on top of the heap professionally anymore. I don't want to be untrue to my students, but I also can no longer be untrue to my self either.

Happy running, you devil!

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep."

~ Robert Frost

Nana Would Be Proud

2011-12-26T15:56:00.000-06:00

One of my latest passions (stick around long enough, and you'll find I flit from one thing to another) has been to reclaim my Norsk heritage and help my mom with a search for her ancestry. Two years ago, she treated me and the college-aged bitter child (daughter) to a trip back to our homeland, where we met our two long distance distant cousins, Rebekke and Marthe, with whom I still correspond on Facebook today. My mom took my middle sister and her eldest daughter this past summer.

Someday soon, I'd like to take my husband and my sons there to show them all the splendors that is Norway, the fjords, the fishing, the outdoors, the slim diet (except for the bread and muesli), the rustic nature of it all, but I hope my husband does not notice the economical clean part of Scandinavia that I did not inherit at all. I mean, I like a nice sparse wood floor and all, but my definite clutter habits make me a very poor Norwegian housewife.

I joined the ranks of organizations such as the Norwegian Society of St. Louis and Daughters of Norway, even though St. Louis is certainly not the hub-bub of Scandinavian activity. I mean, heck, we don't even have an IKEA here (not for lack of wanting, though).

When I went to Norway, I remember feeling completely at home with mannerisms of the people there - often times flooding me with memories of speech patterns and habits of my mother's mother, Nana. From the little breaths in as they say, "Ja," acknowledging your comments and participation in conversation to the Oy yoy yoy's or Huff Da's as they remark on something unremarkable to the diet they follow to the traditions they celebrate to their consummate love of the out of doors, I knew that I was amongst these people from the moment I arrived.

When we ate a home cooked meal from our new found relatives, we saw in our own traditions similarities and knew now where these might have been passed down from.

No one was better at these little traditional idiosyncracies than my mom's mother, Nana. All the kids in her family had a first name and a middle name, and they were called by their middle names, a Norwegian tradition. My mother's mother was Agnes Florence, but everyone called her Flo. So for years, she was Nana Flo. She had a sister named Alma (a popular Norwegian name) and a sister named Gladys (but for the life of me, I can't remember their real "first" names). She also had brothers, Sig (short for Sigurd) and Rass (Clarence - but our family name was Rasmussen, so he was called that after his father), and Lloyd.

My nana told me how she used to be embarrassed by her mom, who spoke Nisse Engelsk (Norsk and English - or broken English), so she would never tell her when school events (and my nana was the first in her family to graduate high school) were so her parents did not have to attend. Whenever I asked Nana why we ate herring on New Year's Eve or what Glaedig Jule meant or why we say Huff Da or other expressions and mannerisms she did, she never could tell me the Norwegian part of it, just that it was how her parents did it, and that's how we were going to do it.

And so began the tradition of eating dense sweet spice-like bread called Yulakaga - or that's how I thought it was spelled and SAID all throughout my years growing up an Norwegian. I never asked about lutefisk or ligonberries or anything else. I just ate them and figured everyone else was eating them, too.

And that's also how I felt about Christmas Eve, with no Santa Claus, and singing Glaedig Jul and singing the Norwegian Table Prayer and growing up with toe-headed fair-skinned blue-eyed cousins and a stoic matriarchal Aunt Annette who made awesome Fatigmann cookies and almond cake, and uncles who said "yoost" for just and "Wikings" for "Vikings."

So now as I rekindle and learn about my heritage, I've tried to bring back those memories by cooking things I never got recipes before Nana died. I never got Nana's stories about anything - that's just kind of the Norwegian way. It's not that we're a cold people - it's just that it's just life, and move on - at least that's what Nana Flo taught me.

I had every intention of making Julekake or more like Julebrød the day before Christmas Eve so I could let it proof in time and then bake it early Christmas Eve so I could give a loaf away to my husband's family and have some warmed in time for Christmas morning with butter and Gjetost (another weird thing that Norwegians like - brown cheese.

It really tastes like caramelized sugar spread, if you ask me. My mother loves it), but I didn't quite make it there, since Christmas Eve is always reserved for my PITA husband (like father, like son) to run around and get last minute gifts since he feels guilty about not buying anyone anything before then.

So I woke up pretty early Christmas morning, considering I went to bed at 2 am having just put up the tree then, to start my Julekake. This is the saga of that Julekake.

I thought I was doing myself a favor by buying unbleached bread flour by King Arthur because earlier, for the Norwegian Society Julefest, I had made an almond cake (mandelkake) with their cake flour and baker's sugar, and it turned out very moist and fine.

Perhaps though, it wasn't really what I should have purchased. I also bought Hodgson's Mill's yeast for multi grain bread dough (although it said it would work with any flour), and perhaps that's why this Julekake was unsuccessful in my own terms.

It wasn't that it wasn't moist - because it was. And it was dense; but it did bake all the way - it just never rose to the height I thought it should.

I remember Julekake being not really fruitcake-like texture, and in a flatter round shape, which mine was, just a little more saffron-y in color and a little lighter. Mine was more like rockakake, as one of my fellow Nords from Daughters of Norway said happened to her mother one year.

There are many variations of this recipe, but I took mine from a pretty authentic Norwegian girl's website, whose recipes have been successful before. However, perhaps I didn't scald the milk enough or too long. Perhaps it was the yeast, or the flour, or both.

Or perhaps I kneaded it just a little too long. It did creep like a vine up my trusty steed of a stand mixer while I was using the bread dough hook in hopes of having to work out my tris and bis a little less. After all, when this was proofing, I was going to get in that 6 mile run with PITA.

When I came back from the run, I peeked inside my oven which I kept on warm, and maybe that was the problem, too. I had the husband turn off the oven after 20 minutes, and so the dough was rising in a heated oven but not hotter than 150 degrees. It still had not doubled in size.

But we were running short on time, and I was going to put one in a stoneware ring mold and bake it and bring it to my husband's mother's house, so I had to get it going.

Although I was supposed to divide the dough into three loaves, I was not able to do so without getting enough that would rise. I settled for two instead. And still, they did not rise double in size, so I had to start the baking process.

They baked pretty quickly, and despite the instructions to grease the pan, I did not grease stoneware, and they stuck to the pan. Upon taking them out, I knew this Julekake was going to be pretty chewy, so I made some quick Confectioner's Sugar glaze to drizzle over the loaves.

My mother-in-law, as usual, forgot that I had brought the Julekake, so we didn't even eat it overthere, even though I had mentioned it three times. (My family hates raisins, so no one was looking forward to eating it.) But I still had my trusty round loaf at home.

Of course, I tested a piece before I brought it over there last night, and it really wasn't all that chewy as I thought it was going to be. And so this morning, with my coffee and cream, I had my Julekake, not half bad at all, and all my memories returned. Even the husband said he'd eat a piece (and then proceeded to eat two or more), although he did say it would stick with him for quite a while.

God Jul, everyone!

The Running Saga Continues

2011-12-25T15:28:00.002-06:00

So, remember yesterday, when I said I would have to do the Christmas Virtual 5K in two parts, since yesterday's Christmas Eve Frostbite Series short course race was only 2M.

Well, who could have asked for a more perfect Christmas Day to run in? My computer said 48 degrees when we left, but my car said 52, and my body definitely said it was 60s.

I had spied this route driving in and out of Fenton, and I decided that it would be a perfect day to try it, although, when I went to Fleet Feet in Fenton to get Boy #2 (PITA) a jacket to go with his tights and gloves, I discussed this route with the sales guy there, and my husband thought it was Simpson Park, but the sales guy said no, but couldn't remember it.

Even though, the route was a little different than I had planned it in my mind, as I thought that there would be trails the entire route on the river side of the road, if I just parked my car under the Route 30 bridge over the Meramec and then ran all the way up past under the Hwy 44 bridge over the Meramec and into this "park."

A lot of the route, we had to run the side of the road, but it being Christmas Day, traffic was light and people were merry. No running anyone off the side of the road like in other routes I've experienced (my usual up Summit Road route).

When I say we, I mean the PITA boy. For Christmas, Santa brought him a new MacBook Pro laptop, mostly out of his commiseration for PITA's parents, who are driven crazy nightly by the Skyping late-night hours of PITA and his server-running-entrepreneurial shenanigans that are conducted on the family Mac Mini on the kitchen desk.

Yes, before you say something, I realize that we should not allow our young freshman to entertain online guests in his room, but he is our last, and we made that fateful mistake with our other two. What the heck - why not pay for therapy for all three - even it out and make it fair playing field for all of them.

Most of all, it will really keep my husband's sanity on production late nights for the publications, and we actually might get to reclaim the 60" big screen television that is now host to trashy television and Lord knows what late night sessions go on there, since we often find PITA, and sometimes his Jack Sprat-wife big brother, asleep on the sectional we had to buy so there was an appropriate amount of lounging-around space for all the big people in the family.

Anyway....I digress. But the genius thing I did as a parent this Christmas morning was to tell him he could not set up this computer until he came out and ran 6 miles with me on this route. I tried to tell him that Dad did not want me running this route alone, and that it would be good for him, and that we had quality Mom-Son outdoors time, but I really didn't have to twist his arm much.

That is until we got 2 miles out past the 44 bridge, and he said, "How much longer?" I, having my headphones in and blasting my customarily loud 70s and 80s music, thought he said, "I need to pee on a log." And I told him to go right ahead. He looked at me like I was whack, and of course, he continued ahead of me all the way through. When we first started, he was poking me, poking me, poking me (not in the Facebook sense of the word either - like literally and physically). And this is where I started to question my genius parenting skills.

We went behind the Soccer Park and up to Unger Park, the name of which we had all forgotten, which turned out to be a real treasure of a tucked away nature preserve. It was me and PITA, and some dude, who told PITA it was the only place he could be alone, and appeared to Mom to be imbibing on some adult beverage out of a steel Thermal water bottle. But he left us alone, to our own devices, and I made a mental note to come back and explore this park. At that point, we were 3 miles out, and I needed to honestly tell PITA it was time to turn back or he'd really start to hate me, but that place was cool, and if it's nice, I'm actually thinking of going back tomorrow to run just a mile farther than we did today.

At about 3.5 miles, PITA stops to say he's dehydrated and that we both should take a break. I give him some water and electrolyte stuff I always carry on an hour long run or more. He guzzles it, and says, "Well, if you're not stopping, I'm going." He mutters something about me training for this and him not.

We finally make it back to civilization, and now we're joined by another female runner, who is way bundled up inappropriately, and a couple couples walking big dogs. He walks slowly over the footbridge to the car, stretches, and notes that he has blisters on his toes.

And then says, "Now are ya happy? Can I just go home and use my computer now?"

Still got in a recovery paced long-ish run on Christmas, with my son, and completed the Virtual 5K, maybe not with the fastest time, but the certainly with the best partner.

Yes, PITA, Mom's happy!

My Triumphant Return

2011-12-24T11:12:00.014-06:00

So many of you might have noticed that I haven't blogged in several years. There were two factors that kept me from returning here, mostly the fact that Google kept telling me something was malicious with my page.

I migrated all my content over to Word Press, and then I didn't know how to work Word Press, until I started having to teach my students how to use Word Press for our online news site, and then I read over my previous entries, and thought to myself, "I'm not half-bad as a writer; why did I stop blogging?" And thus, I decided to make 2012 the year I start back on my blog.

I'm starting my first and kind of my last (because I intend on making some more blog posts before the 31st) entry about my reentry into the running world. I promise you I'll try to update here more often and give everyone a chance to reflect on his or her own personal motivation and inspiration.

Some of you know that diabetes really kicked my overly developed luscious booty the past several years, including giving me the gift of diabetic neuropathy, which disabled feeling in my feet the past three years. That's when I decided to get off that so-called booty (which I truly am thinking about getting in shape with some sort of Brazilian Butt Lift program, an informercial for which I watched continuously one night that I couldn't sleep), get back into running, and lose some weight.

I successfully lost around 70 lbs with the HCG diet in two rounds (and believe me, I couldn't do another single round) and started back running. I gained 20 lbs back over the summer, with traveling and eating processed foods, but quickly just lost all that since October 30 with Medi-fast and a dietician. I'm 15 lbs over my lowest weight, my goal, of 150. And I'm trying to make it there again by April, when I run my SECOND (yes, you heard me) half-marathon at the Christie Clinic University of Illinois Marathon the last weekend in April.

I ran the Rock N Roll St. Louis Marathon in 2:51:13 on October 23, 2011, to add that accomplishment to the list of crazy arse goals I set for myself before 50 (and the time is a ticking away, believe me - I still am upset I never reached my first goal before 40 - skiing the bikini slalom - yes, seriously - and at that time, I was in shape to do it!).

Yes, I completed 13.1. And I can now wear proudly those obnoxious stickers you see on runners' cars (and you bet your sweet bippee I got one immediately after the race!).

I was certainly undertrained for this race, only having run 6 miles, and not even straight, but on a dare, I did it, and I finished. I even lost my first toenail, christening me as a real runner.

And so, not letting anything get the best of me, I decided, much like after childbirth, that yes, indeed I would do this again, but this time, do it even better. So I finished the C25K program and signed up for a bunch of 5Ks with my son. I vowed to feel better than I did before after running a half marathon, and to that extent, I signed up for the Fleet Feet Training Team this winter and will start January 21 at the kickoff meeting.

So in an effort to force myself to keep running in the winter, I've spent beau coup money on cute running clothes and all kinds of gear to keep myself running in the winter. I even teamed up with several journalism teacher friends to keep track of our runs online (#runningondeadline). So far, so good. I've seen so many neat (and pretty weird) things on my weekend runs, which usually take place at several locations: Katy Trail, Grant's Trail, Creve Coeur Lake Park, Meramec Greenway by the river, you name it.

#runningondeadline friends at the JEA conference in Minneapolis

The best part of this is competing against myself for better times. I have improved, even if I can only run a little over a 9 minute mile (7:25 is my PR for a mile - how the heck I did that, I do not know). These guys and gals, some of them marathoners, helped pace me to a 5K PR of 27:37 that cold day at 6 am outside the Hilton.

But as a side, I actually like running with my sidekick resident PITA, even if he does poke me the whole way through races (yes, he literally pokes me and sacrifices his time). It's been the one thing he and I can do in common that unites Mother and Son (even if he'll always finish with a time that beats the pants off me). And today was no exception. We've raced every single Saturday now since Thanksgiving Day, and we intend on doing it all the way through the Saturday I have my first training team. Most likely, he'll be on the sidelines helping me run a race effort at that training team expo, but it really has helped me to know he wants me to do better, even, as I've said before, he talks non-stop during the entire race. (I believe his favorite phrase is "Open up, Mom, c'mon, open up." Like I'm some sort of race car.

Today, we wore our Santa shirts from our St. Charles Santa Dash race on December 10, where there were 1K Santas racing through Historic Main Street in St. Charles. That was a fun race, but the beards kinda cramped our style. And last weekend, we ran the Reindeer Run 5K in Tower Grove Park just to keep up the spirit. Today's race, even though it was only 2M, was no exception to time. I plugged along at a 9:15 mile to finish just under 19 minutes. Son #2 (affectionately hereafter called PITA), of course, finished before me. He's tired of sacrificing his milage and time to me.

Because I'm competing in a Christmas Virtual 5K (and, of course, her NYE Virtual 5K), I have on an extra bib, and I'm linking this post to one of the running blogs I read - Daily Vitamin F (here on Blogger as well). Because I'm short 1.1M, tomorrow morning, in the still of the morning, I'm going to attempt to wake PITA up and run a short pre-Christmas run of 4-5 miles by the river, in order to make sure I get the milage in for the contest. On New Year's Day next week, we'll be running the streets of University City in the Snowball Classic New Year's Day Run, where the race is capped at 150 because the UCity police want the day off - can you believe that? :-)

So - why don't you come run with us? I started running years ago to find a place my children could not bother me, and years later, I'm finding a place where my children like to run with me. Even the older college bitter child and the middle asthmatic ran the Reindeer Run 5K last weekend. Now to work on the patriarch who says his knees hurt when he uses the elliptical at the gym.

I guarantee - Linda Brady - my old PE teacher at Crystal Lake Central - is turning over in her grave right about now. Who would have thunk it - Jill Miesen, the girl who walked and came in last so the other girls who couldn't run wouldn't feel bad - would take up running? There are many reasons I run. I need to start blogging to list them here, and when I have a shin split, like I do today, or it's freezing out there, and I don't feel like freezing my fanny off (like the past week), or I just ate too much, I can look back on posts like these and remember why I run. And why I can't stop.

Remembering Wally, Part Deux

2009-07-19T14:49:00.003-05:00

In direct comparison with my son's words, my husband, separately and alone, wrote a eulogy that came from his heart, too. What follows is my husband's speech given to attendees of Wally's funeral a little over one month ago.

Dad, the Hero Next Door

Many of you may have heard the story of the millionaire next door. The man who quietly goes about his day, not dressing the part or acting the part of a millionaire, while quietly enjoying the financial reward of his his hard work. Today, I would like to talk about the hero next door, My dad, Walter Proehl. He did not wear a cape, and he did not fly over buildings, but he was indeed a hero to many.

One of the things that made Dad so extraordinary was his ability to make every person he encountered feel important. His smile and grace were infectious and brought a ray of life to every person he met.

I would like to relate some of the qualities that I remembered about Dad. If you remember him or these or other qualities, I hope they bring a smile to your face and a joyous memory to your heart as they do for me.

Qualities

Dad was a teacher. At a young age, he taught me to have pride in our name, telling people when they pronounced it incorrectly (it is not PRO-EL - it is PRAYLE).

He taught me charity as we delivered food to the needy at Christmastime and fixed lamps for little old ladies who could not afford to buy new ones.

He taught me the importance of doing the job right. To this day, I can still see examples of his work in many places: wrapping tape around your wires just so, placing the holes for the wire straight and at the proper height.

Dad selflessly shared what he knew with anyone who wanted to learn. When Dad did not know how to do something, he found someone who could teach him.

Dad was thrifty. He knew the value of hard work, and he knew how to save a dollar, whether he was buying a car or a Christmas tree.

When you asked Dad how much something cost, he would always be able to tell you the cost, which was great. But when you got to hardware store, you realized that sometimes that prices he quoted you were in 1950 dollars.

Dad was patient. There are ten years between my sisters and I. For ten years, Dad waited for his son, and as I gre, he taught me how to check your parts and read the directions before you start.

Dad was strong, his muscles firm from years of turning screwdrivers and climbing ladders.

Dad could fix ANYTHING. When yo asked Dad to fix something, he would take a small notebook out of his pocket and write it down. He would methodically work through everything on his list until it was done. It was not until a few years later that I learned that Dad had more than a few notebooks in his pocket.

Dad appreciated a party, and he was never afraid to be on stage. As a teenager, I found it a little embarrassing, but as a man, I wondered how I could even get a small sliver of that charisma.

Dad was faithful; he loved the peace he felt in church and drew comfort from the prayers that he said every day of his life.

Dad showed the world how to love, as he walked through life hand-in-hand with Mom, even arranging for her to get flowers as he lay in the hospital.

Father

In 8th grade, for my science project, I decided that I wanted to make a demonstration of the hydrological cycle or the life cycle of water, if you will. When I told Dad my idea, he never showed ay doubt as I described what I had in mind. As was his way, Dad rolled up his sleeves and worked next to me several evenings for the next week. When I walked into school the morning of the science fair, I had a two-foot-by-four-foot box that had a desert, mountains, an ocean, and clouds that actually rained.

No matter what I wanted to do, Dad never said, "No." Instead, he said, "Let's go." Dad was not a big outdoorsman, but when I wanted to go shooting, he took me. When we went fishing, and there wasn't much biting, he knew that sometimes a twelve-year-old boy has as much fun driving the boat as watching the bobber. When I wanted to try hunting, he took me. Even on days when we got nothing, he took joy from spending a day in the woods with his son.

When I joined Boy Scouts, he bought a tent, and we went camping. Dad was there even when it meant going when it was 12 degrees outside.

When my sons joined Scouts, and no other adult stepped up to help, it was Dad who spent a week with me at summer camp. We slept in tents, went for hikes, and walked about a quarter-of-a-mile each way three times a day for meals in the heat of St. Louis in July. Did I mention that Dad did this when he was 76 years old?

Gentle

Dad was a gentle man, and all of you who knew him saw this in his actions and in his words. Dad was never one to use foul language. This does not mean that Dad never uttered a bad word. On a couple occasions, he would get really frustrated with something or someone and let loose. Mindful that there may be young children around, Dad would harken back to his German roots, and declare, "Scheisst!"

The other occasion when you might hear Dad say a cross word would be when he was driving. Dad has never been qutie as heavy footed as Mom, and as with many aspects of his life, Dad was pretty deliberate in his driving. Sometimes in our travels, we would encounter that rare breed of drier that even wore down Dad's patience. It was at that point that he would declare that person to be a "JACQUES."

Travel

Dad loved to travel his whole life and was fortunate to see all 50 states and many foreign countries. A vacation with Dad was sure to be an experience you will not forget. Dad was not able to sleep late or lay on a beach all day. He was up at 6 in the morning and ready to roll; there were places to go, and things to do, and he did not want to miss a single thing.

When we traveled to San Juan Capistrano to see the swallows and got there to find the gates locked, Dad climbed the fence. A few years later, when Dad and Mom went to Campobello Island in Canada, the home of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Dad clambered out on the rocks to get down to the beach. Although his trip proved a little more eventful, not even a broken arm could slow down Dad.

I am so fortunate to have my own family that continued the tradition as we have crossed the country seeing the Grand Canyon, the sands of Myrtle Beach, the monuments of Washinton, D.C., and the geysers of Yellowstone. What a beautiful world that Mom and Dad showed us.

For Those That Are Still Here

For Dad, his journey on this Earth is over, and he has been set free. For those who are still here, I would like to share one part of a short homily I heard a few years ago.

In 1982, two friends set out from Baltimore, MD for Albuquerque, NM on a 9-month sabbatical from teaching. These friends had lived in Baltimore all their lives and wanted to go someplace where they could look out the window and know they weren't on the East Coast. And if you have ever been to Albuquerque, you know you aren't on the East Coast. You are barely in the US. One friend followed the original plan and went back to Baltimore after 9 months. the second friend had a 5-year journey in the high desert of New Mexico. "I learned that there are more shades of brown that you could ever imagine. I did not see the different shades at first. I thought the whole state was just brown. But after a while, I started to see the nuances, the different shades of brown into green. The desert requires careful attention to detail. I learned that the desert blooms, and blooms amazingly after a rainstorm. Little buds and blossoms and flowers and insects and animals come out after a storm, for a short period of time, often not to be seen again, until the next rainstorm. They survive on those droplets of rain. I learned that water is both powerful and precious. The ground is so hard and dry that the arroyos and ditches and intersections flood quickly in a rainstorm. Children in New Mexico learn at a young age to move to high ground as soon as a drop of rain falls, because otherwise, it might be too late. Water is so precious in the Southwest. I saw amazing efforts to conserve water because it is so scarce. And I learned that while some things are essential for survival in the desert - food, water, shelter, blankets (the desert gets cold at night), gas (one of the first things I learned in Albuquerque - make sure you have a full tank of gas when driving through the desert) - other things just weigh you down, are excess baggage, are unnecessary. The desert is a place of stripping down, of embracing what is essential, of identifying what is necessary. A time to name what I needed to let go, and what I needed to hold dear. I ask you to remember the story of Moses and the Israelites in the desert. They had left a familiar place (even thought it was an oppressive place, it was still familiar), and they were wondering if their dreams of a Promised Land were worth the trouble. They were hungry, thirsty, frustrated. Maybe we should go back. Maybe this isn't worth it. What does God say to Moses in the midst of this crisis? God says, "Moses, you are in a hard place, and I want you to find the hardest thing in this hard place - a rock in the desert. And I want you to touch this rock and believe that living water will flow from it." And Moses does, and water flows. It was just enough for the Israelites to continue their sojourn through the desert. They learned that God is in the hardest place in a hard place. And I think about us. We are on a journey through the desert, in a kind of hard place right now, wondering whether our dreams are worth this trouble, this stripping down. We are thinking of what is essential, what we need to let go, and what we need to hold dear. Like Moses and the Israelites, God is asking us to believe that God is in the hardest place in hard place - to believe that living water will flow if we but touch the rock in our desert. Remember, Moses had to do some work - he HAD to touch the rock.

Dad is done walking in the desert. For all of us who are still here, when you think of Dad and you start to feel a little sad, I want you to remember, he has left the familiar place and gone before us. Like Dad did his whole life, he has done the hard work, and he was the living water. Dad has touched the rock, and water has flowed. We should all be so lucky to drink from that water!

And that, my friends, is such good news that we ought to say a resounding Amen.

Conclusion

Dad was never in doubt about his priorities in life. He had an incredible integrity demonstrated as he showed his faith to God, Mom, family, and country.

I could write many more pages, describing the qualities of this wonderful, caring soul. I could write many more pages filled with the stories that each of us shared with Dad.

But today, I can think of no better way to conclude than with this thought: Dad, thank you.

I can think of no better higher compliment than could be given that to say, "He was like his father."

Remembering Wally

2009-07-19T13:34:00.010-05:00

I guess because I watched the movie Fireproof with my husband Friday night, in which a man's father features a prominent role as an advisor to his son during his troubled marriage, and because I am about to visit my sons and their father, my husband, at Boy Scout Camp this coming Thursday during Parents' Night, during which either Wally was always there or I accompanied him, I am thinking about Wally's influence on my life, and how I will miss his influence on the lives of my children.

I miss him. I also owe readers and him the blog I promised I would write - detailing my youngest son's impromptu speech about his grandfather at the funeral. My husband also wrote one, which will be featured in the second part of this entry.

In comparison, these two men approached their task very differently. My husband, who is often at a loss for words, took almost four days to write this speech, putting final touches on it as the limo drove to the cemetery for Wally's final resting place. My son whipped out this piece of paper and thoughtfully crafted it as he reminisced about his grandpa the night before the visitation.

Either way, the true spirit of Wally's personality lies in these words. I strive every day to live in honor of Wally, to see Christ in everyman, like he did, and to live as he did, forgiving those who trespass against me.

Here is the text of my youngest son's speech:

When I was born, I hadn't yet witnessed the fortune I had. I am John, the third and last grandchild. My grandfather, Walter Proehl, was my idol, not Vincent Van Gogh. Besides, why would I want my idol to be some guy who cut off part of his ear. No, I wanted my idol to be someone courageous, someone kind. That someone was my grandfather. All through my life, he has helped all; if a light needed to be fixed, he would repair it. Task by task, he was even fixing the world. An enemy to none, but a friend to all. He was a joker, but never hurt a single feeling. I remember him taking my brother, Drew, and I to go fishing. We never caught anything, but it was exciting just being out there. When my brother and I would fight, he would make us so happy we would just forget. I learned a lot about him when I had a school geneaology project. He gave me all the information. The entire time I have spent with him I have never seen him frown. He always made time to play with us even so we lost several ping pong balls under the shelves of his work shop. He was my grandmother's best friend, a wonderful mentor to my father, and an idol to me. A wonderful man, there was nothing else to ask for. May he reflect on us all, so we can be just like him.

Too busy driving to get gas!

2009-07-11T09:15:00.001-05:00

Do you ever feel like this? I remember doing this myself in my gifted education classroom to demonstrate to the kiddos the necessity of doing FIRST THINGS FIRST - making your priorities. We could translate this into homework, projects, assignments, sports and extracurricular activities as well, but somehow I always got lost in translation.

For the past school year, I was no longer teaching the 7 Habits to my 7th graders, and I missed having Franklin's words of wisdom remind me to "sharpen my saw."

And I felt like a salmon swimming upstream.

Add the little things that I never expected, such as caring for Wally while he was in the hospital, and helping my mother-in-law survive the after-effect of losing her life partner of 54 years, and diabetes control thrown in to my lap, and I didn't handle it as gracefully as this high-powered business woman made judgments as she thought out loud.

This video, shared by another colleague on Facebook, really was shared with me at a poignant time. I've been lounging around, feeling sorry for myself, thinking about catching up on all I've missed throughout the school year, as I often do, but just to extreme this summer.

My house is falling down around me, as it's been one of those little pebbles I tried to take care of first. My health is also falling down around me, as I tried to put out fires that came to me first, rather than fitting it in first which is what I should have been doing.

For anyone who has experienced burnout, this video will definitely set you on the straight and narrow path.

Whether or not I can master this philosophy, I don't know. But I'm sure willing to give it a try and go back to Covey's words of wisdom that I extolled to my own students.

How about yourself? What are your big rocks? What are the little pebbles that are getting in the way of you prioritizing your First Things First?

PSA: CheckUp America (Male)

2009-06-26T11:25:00.001-05:00

This is a great video! Even when you're willing to change, it's hard - I won't kid you! It will take a lot of work to "reverse" diabetes, especially if it's in your genes. But don't let this condition do what it's done to me or my dear father-in-law. Step out to help me fight diabetes. Ask me how!

Join me in the St. Louis Diabetes Leadership Institute

2009-06-22T12:45:00.004-05:00

I need my friends to help me out on this one. This would be a perfect opportunity for all the St. Louis area diabetics or PWD to get involved personally in advocacy and diabetes awareness.

Thanks to Kaycee Connell, the St. Louis diabetes Examiner, I found out about this free program. It just so happens that my endo, Dr. Garry Tobin, also promoted this program to me in May when I went for my twice a year check up.

What Eric and Garry want to do is create a community of PWD's who will volunteer their time to be educated (ha - like we aren't already) and lead sessions of 6 awareness and education topics in their community. It could be at your church, your synagogue, your school, your sorority, anywhere you can muster up a small group of people. Eric and Garry don't care whether it is 2 people or 20.

This effort is lead by the St. Louis Diabetes Coalition, but is also supported by Wash U's Endocrinology Dept., of which Garry is the head.

I was able to get my husband, Joe, to attend with me - only because I think he felt guilty that he didn't meet me for a happy hour the evening before [:-)], and he tested his sugar on the free Accu-Check Aviva meter Roche was handing out at the event - YAY! He was 106 before eating, and 114 after eating some fruit (1 hour post-prandial). This is the first time Joe has ever tested himself, and he's lived with a diabetic for some 15 years!

With the event of his father's diabetes coming so close to him, I was able to finally get him to get a closer look at his health. And boy, did he ever. He was able to see the connection between his dad's possible loss of his leg and his cardiovascular disease to a less than aggressive treatment plan for his diabetes of 28 years.

Not surprisingly, all the attendees were T2's, with the exception of a couple of caregivers of and one CDE who were T1. We were the youngest in the room by 10 years.

My husband was educated on proper foot care, kidney disease, and nutrition. It was a wealthy bounty of information that was very helpful, sometimes the first time some of these diabetics had ever heard.

Of course, they were able to give us a free lunch, and there will be a free dinner at our next meeting.

Eric, the PhD side of the team, presented to us a nice slide show regarding the growing statistics of diabetes in the Metro area. We, of course, discussed the sensational statistics that T2 diabetes is becoming an epidemic of obese proportions.

Garry echoed that by far his practice was filled with more T2 diabetics than T1's. It was cited that there are over 150,000 people with diabetes in St. Louis - that's Busch Stadium filled during a triple-header.

Of those diabetics, 48% are of healthy weight, 21% are obese, and 31% are overweight. From a public health perspective, the better we manage diabetes, the less expensive the condition can be.

The St. Louis Diabetes Coalition's goal is to bring control up in order to lessen the cost and the burden on the system, as well as improve the quality of life for diabetics.

Only 49% of diabetics here in the area have a controlled bgs Hb A1c less than 7.0, 51% check the bgs at least once a day, and 44% have even taken a self-management class.

One thing Garry said that really rung true to me was the answer to many of the folks' questions about T2 guilt, blame placing and fault at our lifestyles. "I'm a lumper, not a splitter," he said while pointing out that all of us, T1's and T2's and Others face the same symptoms and consequences. "It's NOT which drugs define you," he said - pointing out that NONE of us deserve this diagnosis.

Won't you come with me to the next meeting and help facilitate more education and awareness to some of the hardest to reach people? I challenge you!

Come enjoy a free dinner and some great conversation!

Twitter me @MomsL8 0r leave a comment here, and I'll meet up with you before the meeting!

Click on the link of this blog title to learn more about the St. Louis Diabetes Leadership Institute.

Our next meeting will be in Eric Armprecht's office on the 1st floor of the Salus Center at 3545 Lafayette, (the old Incarnate Word Hospital), St. Louis, MO 63104, on Monday, July 27th, at 6 p.m.

Here's to our health!

Wally's Funeral Mass Booklet

2009-06-12T02:09:00.004-05:00

For those who aren't able to be at the funeral tomorrow, here is the booklet I produced. Enjoy - Dad loved Mass and loved singing, and he would be honored for you to sing along at his funeral mass.

Wally's Memorial Video Tribute

2009-06-12T02:01:00.002-05:00

I've embedded the video played at Wally's visitation tonight. We hosted over 400 people who paid their respects to this gentleman's gentleman, who even suffered graciously in his last days. I believe it gave most people who didn't know Dad a glimpse into the kind of person he was and helped those who mourn the loss of his life to find comfort in these memories. He would have been proud.

Remembrances of Wally from Jill Proehl on Vimeo.

Rest in Peace, Wally

2009-06-10T11:04:00.003-05:00

The link in the above title will take you to Wally's obituary in today's St. Louis Post Dispatch. The funeral arrangements are as follows:

Visitation - Kutis Funeral Home on Lemay Ferry http://tinyurl.com/l2sm4f
Thursday 6/11 3-9 pm
Friday 6/12 - 8:00 -11:30

Mass Friday 6/12 at St. Matthias the Apostle Church at Noon http://tinyurl.com/myg849

Burial Friday 6/12 at 1:15 pm at Jefferson Barracks

Thank you everyone for all your support during this difficult time during my life. Thank you for being there in Spirit with Wally.

For those of you who can't be there, I'll post his funeral mass booklet and perhaps the slide show of the presentation of his life in pictures, if it's not too large.

For the Love of Wally

2009-03-28T22:43:00.002-05:00

I wanted you all to get to know Wally and love him as I do. Here is a slideshow of pictures - and a thank you note. At the end, my youngest has taken some video of Dad at the hospital. He is still the jovial man he always has been despite his struggles. It's a touching video, and I debated whether or not to include it. But I want everyone to know what a great man he is.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

National Diabetes Alert Day!

2009-03-24T07:59:00.004-05:00

Today is Diabetes Alert Day, sponsored by the ADA. My friend, Rachel, blogged about it at Diabetes Daily, and I tried to repost her post, but Blogger wouldn't cooperate this morning. So Rachel, beg your pardon, but I'm adding on to your post to alert everyone I know about our friend, D.

Every fourth Tuesday in March, the ADA issues a "wake-up call" for advocacy and education about the seriousness of diabetes.

If you've been reading my blog or following me on Twitter, you know how serious I take this, as my dear father-in-law, Walter Proehl, went in for triple bypass on Tuesday, March 10th, which ended up being quadruple bypass and 8 hours on the table on a bypass machine (which you may or may NOT know is not good for diabetics). He made it through the surgery ok, but only to end up back in ICU on Friday, March 13th (and yes, this is a haunting story) for observation for renal failure.

His creatinine was creeping up slowly. Instead, he was given the wrong medicine, which put him into a coma for 7 days.

Now awake, it will be a long haul until I hear my jovial father-in-law joke and tell me what to do in order to make sure my house is electrically safe.

He got in this position in the first place from our friend, Diabetes. Welcome to the world of suck, Dad!

The man was fit, except at 51 when he was diagnosed - a little overweight - but he quickly lost that and controlled it with diet and exercise. There isn't another 79 year-old man I know that climbs ladders, shovels snow, and works in attics on ceiling fans and lights.

To say that his Type 2 were caused by his lifestyle would be a slap in all of our faces. And this friend, this Diabetes, has caused an otherwise healthy man (no high cholesterol or high blood pressure) this heart disease.

The ADA says diagnosis can come 7 to 10 years after being symptomatic. And as you see, complications can pile on insurmountably and quickly.

To learn more about Type 2 diabetes, the ADA sounds the alarm today for everyone - loved ones as well as those who might have a family history - to take the Diabetes Risk Test. The test and the videos are available on the afore linked page on the lower right hand side.

Forward this to anyone you know - don't let years pass between symptoms and diagnosis and treatment and complications - for the love of Wally, please!

And....stay tuned...I will be posting a special pictoral thank you to all my friends for sticking with my beloved father-in-law so you can meet the man you've been praying for.

By the way, if you're in St. Louis, check out these free screenings offered near you:

Tuesday, March 24

Free Diabetes Risk Tests

9:00am – 5:00pm
8 Gold’s Gym Locations
St. Louis, MO
Contact: Michelle Micheletti
mmicheletti@goldsgym.com

Free Diabetes Risk Tests

9:00am – 6:00pm
Comfort Shoe Specialist
11693 Manchester Road
St. Louis, MO
Contact: Nancy Jacobs
(314) 822-3300

Diabetes Screenings

5 Locations in Florissant, MO
Contact: Christian Hospital
(314) 747-WELL

Pray for Wally!

2009-03-14T15:00:00.005-05:00

An update I've sent to friends:

I'm hoping to download a song that he and Yvonne first danced to - in order to stimulate something - we know he's listening and looking. Then I'm taking the kids up there after Joe gets home from Jack's soccer game. Joe's mom, Yvonne, and his sisters, Mary and Terri, are there at the hospital now.

We take turns and shifts. Yvonne is anxious, and we're looking at getting something to calm her nerves.

He just opened his eyes, when Mary, Joe's sister from DC, just flew in and came into the room.

Wally is my 79 year old dear father-in-law. I love him like my own father. In many respects he has been more of a father to me than my own father.

Wally has had T2 Diabetes since he's been 51 years old. He was overweight at that time (he worked for Anheuser-Busch for 15 years - case of beer a month, so he'd have a beer and a cheese sandwich or a pretzel every night! :-)

But he lost about 40 lbs. and managed his disease with diet and exercise until he was about 65, when he went on Metformin (he really should have been on meds sooner, but that's another story - and that's why he's in this shape to begin with).

Around that time is when I was dxed GDM - so we were diabetes partners together. He helped me, and I helped him. We've been Dbuddies ever since. We played on the same team - always! And yes, we cheated together, and we kept avoiding the diabetes police together :-).

He then started Glyburide probably when he was 70.

Five years ago, we were hiking up a hill at Boy Scout Camp, and he told me he didn't feel well. Never mind that he was sticking with his internist (who didn't treat and manage his D right to begin with), but he did go in to see him, who told him he probably had a heart attack. (He did not have chest pain - just nausea and shortness of breath.) Doc never sent him to a cardiologist or anything...just a stress echo.

Forward a couple of years later....went for angiogram...learned he had major blockage. Went on Lasix...still no statin or bp med....no heart meds.

He then went on Insulin about a year ago - maybe a little longer. That scared him. I was there to remind him that I did it, too - and while pregnant.

This Christmas, he was feeling poorly - shortness of breath, getting sick a lot, appetite suppressed. He decided to finally see a cardiologist but still wouldn't consent to see an endo yet!

We found out he was blocked 100%, 99%, 70%....told that he would have no choice but a bypass.

He deliberated, and finally scheduled a triple bypass Tuesday of last week...surgery was supposed to take 5 hours, took 9 instead...he began bleeding out.

After giving him 5 units of blood, he came out of surgery to sedation in ICU. He woke up the next morning...looking very pink and doing well, eating some jello, joking with the nurses (he is a big flirt)!

But yesterday, he couldn't keep most liquids down. Then, his rhythm was off - so they shocked him last night. His kidney function was down...so they were calling in a nephrologist.

In the middle of the night, they were giving him some meds...the nurse did NOT cross check the meds with the orders...

He was given meds designed to paralyze you right before general anethesia...he crashed.

He was Code Blue for 5 minutes, not breathing.

He then went into a coma.

They are now concerned with getting his system rid of this drug because his kidney and liver function is decreased....

They are talking dialysis.....

And they don't know when he will wake up.

Please....any God you believe in...anything you love...anything you have power in....any way...any shape...any how...please....ask God not to take him as our diabetic angel...not now.

Eat Out for a Good Cause

2009-03-10T13:36:00.004-05:00

If you love Steak 'n' Shake, like I love Steak 'n' Shake, now's a time to eat out for a good cause.

Someone at work here has distributed this flyer to eat at Steak 'n' Shake on March 11, and SNS will donate 20% of the profit to JDRF.

Go on - have a shake on me!

I'll probably be at the one at Gravois Bluffs in Fenton around 6:30 if you wanna stop by and say hey!

Will the Real Shaq Please Stand Up?

2009-03-07T15:13:00.002-06:00

Ok....so those of you who know me - even a little - know I'm seriously addicted to Twitter. It has become my latest obsession. It helps me laugh, and laughing, I hope will help me live a more positive, stress-free life.

And those of you on twitter know I follow some seriously twittering celebs. Take Shaquille O'Neal for example - I'm not particularly a basketball fan, although I went to college at a school which DID NOT have a football team, so our homecoming was a basketball one, but I love Shaq's generosity on Twitter. Here's an example of a meetup that Shaq challenged Twitterers to recently.

He's constantly hiding out or not hiding out at places and telling people the first person to touch him gets free tickets. I just love reading and hearing about Shaq on Twitter.

So, one of his greatest fans @PhoenixSunsGirl created a video contest for his birthday.

Here's the hilarious entry a fellow twitterer posted! (And you can find out Shaq's Twitter address at the end of the video.)

QuickTime
| Flash

The Diabetes Marathon

2009-03-01T17:55:00.007-06:00

I'm not sure how everyone will react to this blog post, but I feel very strongly about it, so therefore, I must blog it.

As of late, I've seen a lot of Persons With Diabetes competing with each other, most especially in the online community, over who's sicker, whose numbers are worse, whose vlog or blog is better, who has more complications, which type has it worse.

Does it really matter?

Aren't we all facing a chronic illness?

Does it matter whether or not we shoot up in public, shoot through our clothes, fumble with our testing supplies, publish or share our numbers, have a good day or bad day, overeat or eat clean, take our meds with soda/coffee or water, exercise too much or not enough?

Don't we all still have diabetes?

Is there a competition we entered when we signed up for this gig? Oh, no, I forgot - NONE of us signed up for this rotten, lousy disease. We didn't choose D; it chose us, for whatever reason. Like in life, we're fat, we're skinny, we're short, we're tall, we're black, we're white, we're blonde, we're bald - we are all different! Isn't that what makes the world go 'round?

But one thing remains constant and certain: we are all Persons With Diabetes. Every single one of us.

Does it matter that I go to an endocrinologist while some of you might still be with your GP? Does it matter that I am on an injectible drug while some are on the pump? Does it matter that some of us have other conditions while others are managing quite comfortably? Does it matter more that some are Type II and others are Others?

Do any of those answers diminish anyone else's Diabetes?

Last I looked, I wasn't racing toward the finish line of this disease. I'm plodding ahead, sometimes getting further than others, sometimes holding back to wait for my friends, sometimes sprinting ahead because I can see the light ahead at the end of the tunnel.

But I didn't commit to racing a marathon with diabetes. Certainly not against people I consider to be my peers, my support, my network, my clubmates.

There are people in the community, online and in real life, who know a lot about this disease, and there are people who blow a lot of smoke into mirrors about this disease. Does that make me respect any of these two types of people less? Not any more than it makes me have respect for the many kinds of people and their bodies reacting to their diabetes.

Aren't we all playing for the same team?

I hope I've been a support to many Persons With Diabetes. I know students and faculty come to me at school because I get it - I know what they're talking about. I understand.

I hope that I can provide the support, the restraint needed to listen, the bent ear, the lack of judgment (read NOT judging - not lack of GOOD judgment) that it takes to tell Persons With Diabetes that we all matter.

How do you think you measure up? Or does it matter to you?

I teach, therefore you learn… or do you?

2009-02-28T20:58:00.001-06:00

I found this fascinating quote today:

If you search 21st century skills on YouTube, more than 1700 videos come up. There is a mind boggling wealth and variety of resources on this topic on sites like YouTube or Slideshare.I teach, therefore you learn… or do you?, Feb 2009

You should read the whole article.

Do You Test or Shoot Up When You're Out and About?

2009-02-16T02:36:00.003-06:00

So, Mike asked in this week's episode of the SweetTalk podcast if we've ever tested in a funny or odd place. Since I am not on insulin, and only need to test or shoot up before or after a meal, I haven't had too many of those experiences yet.

But I recently contributed to a discussion over at tudiabetes.com saying I wish we weren't relegated to going to the bathroom to test or shoot up, which I often do, depending on where I'm at or with whom I'm with. People really got upset and told me how dirty bathrooms are. But I have had 1) stares, and 2) people tell me it grosses them out, and 3) people tell me I'm obsessed with diabetes, and 4) do I have to do that here?

So...again, depending on the circumstances, just to avoid the hassle, I find myself spreading my junk on top of the toilet paper dispensers, ever so carefully, so I don't touch anything, and doing it there.

Sometimes, it ticks me off, sometimes, I don't care. Sometimes, I'm too lazy to get my meter out and do it at a time when I really should (like this instance - where I really should have tested during the play, but lack of light, and um, sitting on top of others really discouraged me from doing it right then and there).

I'm sure you all know how I feel. Sometimes, I'm proud to test and/or shoot up, and either advocate for myself, and educate others, and sometimes, I just wanna get off this merri-go-round that day.

In any case, I am sharing with you testing tonight during my Valentine's Day Dinner and date with my husband, who does a great impression of the Diabetes Police during this vlog.

Do You Know Your Number?

2009-02-14T11:07:00.004-06:00

So, I've had a lot of my colleagues really become interested in their blood sugar numbers because they love me (Aww, I love you guys, too - Erika and Beth!).

I was happy to share my meter and test strips and lancets with them (fortunately, I have good insurance that allows me enough on my supplies - knock on wood). And they were under 100.

I know that if I wasn't blessed - and yes, I do say blessed, with gestational diabetes in my 20's, I wouldn't have known what a risk I was to my condition.

If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't know my number. I wouldn't have followed it like a hawk follows its prey for 20 years. I wouldn't be obtaining the tight control I now have because I watch my number and advocate aggressively for treatment with the best doctors.

Do you know your number?

15 Tips for Great Candlelight Photography

2009-02-13T17:35:00.002-06:00

Here are a few tips on how to get that perfect candle light portrait!

read more | digg story

Exercise is the key!

2009-02-08T14:02:00.004-06:00

So...I lost two lbs. this week in the Biggest Loser D Style competition, even though I ate out a lot this week, and because I was frustrated that the lab I go to on the weekends was backed up and messed up my standing order, I ate a Cinnabon cinnamon roll afterward when I went to Apple training and to attend the Women's Heart Healthy Fair.

It appears that if I'm going to see "onederland," as my good friend, Jaimie Hernandez, says, I'm going to have to step it up. Exericse helped me lose that. Becoming sedentary after being very active in my younger days is probably what put on the weight in the first place, as much as my poor diet. What does that say for us T2'ers? To know that we have that much in control is good, but it is still like living a prison sentence. It would be nice to know others who don't have T2 who struggle with lifestyle issues as much as we do. But unfortunately, all we're seeing is that we're the only ones who have to watch what we put in our mouths and watch what we do to keep fit.

Frustrating! At least to me it is.

Anyway, I did get one walk in this week. I'm going to try to maintain that, and add some kettlebells to the mix, once I get them.

I'm also getting the HUGO water jug out - I'll post a pic of that later this week. And maybe another vlog showing me getting into some strength training.

On a random note, I so wish I had an iPhone. I'd be posting pictures of the great lunches and breakfasts I've been preparing myself - I'm darn proud, if I must say so, that I am following a great diet !

Enjoy walking with me!

Prayers for Wally

2009-02-04T21:02:00.003-06:00

DSC_0706.JPG
Originally uploaded by MomsL8

This is my father-in-law with my two boys this summer at S-F Boy Scout Camp in Farmington, MO. I had to take his hand and guide him down the dimly lit path to beside the lake where he did not get to witness my son being elected into OA (big family upset there).

I fear this may be his last summer to see my boys at camp. He used to help Joe, my husband, every summer since the boys were Webelos in Cubs.

Twenty-eight years of diabetes, now controlled by Glyburide, Metformin, and Insulin, have ravaged his cardio-vascular system.

Today, he went in for exploratory surgery for his weak heart. They found almost 100% blockage in three main arteries, too much to stent.

Two weeks from now, he has to undergo an MR of his heart; if there is too much necrotic tissue, he will not be a good candidate for bypass.

Although he is 80 and has lived a full-life, he is angry about his disease and angry with his prior internist who did not refer him to further specialists.

Wally is a jovial, good-natured man who will be missed by many.

Please keep him in your prayers, thoughts, and special intentions.

Although fellow diabetics will have another angel by their sides, we would like him to remain here as long as he can.

Thanks!

The Story of the Brain Tins

2009-01-30T21:41:00.005-06:00

Ok, so I teased George about my funny story about brains. He waited patiently, (well, I think he went to do other things off-line), while I fiddled around with the camera nonsense for the vlog.

So...here it is!

A long time ago, my mother-in-law, a staunch Scrubby Dutch South St. Louis German housewife, inherited old-fashioned tins where brain meat were kept (in old-fashioned days where people had ice boxes). They were her mother's.

Ever since I've known my mother-in-law, she kept opened packages of crackers, cookies, snacks, etc... in those tins in her pantry. Her mother used them for storage, and she felt they kept opened packages pretty fresh. So she did this as well.

When my daughter began going over to their house, she rarely wanted to stay to eat there. She would come home famished, and whenever my mother-in-law would offer DD something, she would refuse it.

Over the years, my DD would cry and inquire if Grandma thought she was as smart as the rest of the family, and she pondered if Grandma really loved her. I had no earthly idea where this was coming from.

It wasn't until years later, into her teens, that my DD explained that she would NEVER eat at Grandma's house, because she saw Grandma taking out the tins that said, "B-R-A-I-N-S." My DD thought Grandma was trying to feed her brains, because she wasn't smart enough.

It wasn't until she saw her brothers or her dad eat out of those tins that she ventured to try it.

I would never eat out of the tins, nor would her Grandpa, because we were diabetic and cutting carbs. So she figured if Mom won't eat it and Grandpa won't it, it must be bad.

We all had a resounding laugh at the holiday meal table when we found this out.

I'll never forget Brain Tins from now on.

My First Vlog

2009-01-30T20:24:00.003-06:00

I linked this to the actual YouTube video also, but here it is....it's goofy, but heck, I got it done! Landileigh says I sound like Bonnie Hunt, but I'm thinking a little Sarah Palin-ish?? I guess I never dropped the Chicago accent! :-) And it's reallll short!

Top of the Morning to Y'All

2009-01-29T12:17:00.005-06:00

Well, after two days of respite due to weather (as one of my colleagues and friends, Paige Hereford, says: Snow Days are like powdered donuts - you have one, but then you want one more... - ha, can't we all relate!), I'm back at school working.

Yesterday, my sugars rebounded quite well after the pizza episode. I waited until 2:30 when my sugar was at 101 to eat lunch, and then I watched my carbs pretty well.

This morning, I had a great appointment with Barb, my CDE. She's always so helpful, loves that I'm such a self-advocate, and asks me questions she knows I might lie about, but then helps me to feel good about telling the truth. My numbers were excellent, and I am down 10 lbs. from December 23 when I last saw her when my equally wonderful endo put me on Byetta. She's good at evading my questions, when I ask her since my BS has been down closer to 100 if I could get off the BP meds and statins, and not yelling at me when I don't adopt everything right away that maybe Doc wants me to. She also totally understands when I get frustrated at the internist who still insists that I can do this without meds.

So I talked with her about my charlie horses, my short of breath while walking, my edema in my hands, some female issues, and the urination deal. She thinks some of that is due to perimenopause (I've been waiting for this for A LONG TIME). She chuckled when she suggested I go see the perinatologist I went to in order to deliver my kids when I was last down at the Center for Advanced Medicine (a couple of them argued as to who was going to tell me that I shouldn't have any more kids).

And even though I'm doing well, they're still going to up the Byetta to the 10mcg because they said I'll probably plateau and then not be able to maintain the good sugars as this rate.

Uggh - another roller coaster ride of nausea and dizziness. But...hey...I lost 10 lbs when they did this the first time. I guess I'll try it again.

She questioned why I wasn't on more Metformin, and I told her about my infamous GI issues. So, we'll see - I'll keep in close contact with her to see if I tolerate more Byetta or see if they want to do more Met, which I would not relish.

I have bloodwork this Saturday - Vitamin D and Lipids again. Hopefully, those lovely oily Vitamin D's I've been mainstreaming (I feel like that - it's such a high dose) will help. She pointed out some research that might be confirming that Vitamin D may help diabetics get off BP meds.

I'm pretty satisfied. I'm glad I got aggressive and begged my internist to go down there.

I owe some people a vlog about me exercising, most especially my brave friend, Jaimie, plus I want to show you all the snow before it leaves (especially for my friend, Gaelyne, down under).

I'll try to get on that later this afternoon. I have to get in a walk tonight, too...so I'll take you all to the gym with me perhaps.

Next step: water....ugh......

I am Paying for a Carbo Overload This Morning

2009-01-28T09:56:00.003-06:00

So, because of the snow day, I ordered pizza. Now, I can't have - really AT ALL - my favorite Chicago-style thick crust pizza that I love so dearly. So instead, I order one of our local pizzerias, one of our favorites, Cecil Whittaker's. It's very thin crust, and usually, it doesn't affect my BS in the way I'll pay for it later.

So after I've been on the Byetta, I'm thinking, wow - I feel good today, I can eat some more pizza (more than my allotted two pieces), and I do. Combined with the salad dressing, which I know was high-fat, and the excess pizza, I woke up with a rock in my stomach today.

I haven't had a bout with loose stool on Byetta yet, but this morning was a close as it's come so far.

However, it still is not as bad as with the Metformin alone, so I guess I should be thankful that my carb binge didn't put me on the couch on a touchie donut all day.

After I eliminated the pizza and high-fat salad dressing, breakfast this morning was 6 oz of diet crangrape Ocean Spray juice (only 1.5 g carb for 1/2 of 12 oz serving), 3/4 c non-fat cottage cheese with 1/3 c sliced no-sugar added frozen strawberries, and two whole-wheat English muffin halves (yes, that's a lot of carbs), smeared with sugar-free peanut butter, non-fat strawberry cream cheese and a smidge of Smucker's sugar-free grape jam.

Hopefully, my pp and before lunch tests will be ok - but I'll update later!

Thanks to Gina for the nod!

2009-01-27T18:26:00.008-06:00

So one of my friends from the Diabetes OC and Biggest Loser - D Style has given our new podcast a nod. I thought I would return the favor. Gina is a fun-loving gal who doesn't let her Dness stop her from trying anything. I am quite entertained by her Tweets, and she keeps my spirit high in this friendly competition. Thanks, Gina! And guess what???? We're now listed in the iTunes directory! YAY!

Yeah! We're on the air!

2009-01-26T11:15:00.007-06:00

So....I have returned to broadcasting....

What? You might ask...you thought I was a teacher.

Well, I've made two great friends on tudiabetes.com, and we are now doing a podcast.

Mike Lawson is incredibly talented - and he works with kids in learning how to access and produce digital media - way to go! I love his casual wit and humor.

Landileigh Nelson is so very informed and intelligent on the issues, and she and I stay up late talking some nights.

I'm so fortunate to have found these two new friends and recorded this podcast.

But we need listeners - so hop on over, and subscribe!

See ya on iTunes or on http://www.sweettalk.org every Monday for our Sweet Talk podcast!

OMG - My Nemesis

2009-01-25T12:37:00.004-06:00

Okay - this is a corner cafe by my house, started by a former student in the Rockwood Schools. Love Russell, love his mom, Kate, and I used to eat there like every week. Of course, I had to partake of his patisseries - he's a pastry chef, for crying out loud.

Well, last year, I started only coming in on the weekends. It really doesn't help that at the end of the day, Kate usually marks the breakfast muffins and such as buy one get one so they can make a fresh batch the next morning. Kate noticed...and now?

I ate one of their decadent chocolate covered marshmallows before I saw the endo...and I haven't been in since.

This ad is a lure to the devil for me! I refuse to NOT eat a chocolate covered strawberry for Valentine's Day - my hubby has known since he has met me that these delicious treats are the key to my heart...and probably anything else he wants that day.

I am going to make a mini-challenge for me to eat ONLY one or two...notice I did NOT qualify myself to eat only one. There's no way I can do that. Two at the most - ok???

FDA Petition from the Diabetes Community

2009-01-25T04:28:00.005-06:00

So Kerri Morrone - who is the author of the award-winning SixUntilMe patient blog on diabetes wrote a great summary of what the diabetes community is asking.

Take myself for example: I am on Byetta, a new drug that has caused some 6 patients to die as a result of pancreatitis. I am frightened to be on this drug, yet it works.

So many drugs for diabetes have been linked to heart conditions and other life-threatening side effects. I want the safest, yet most effective treatment out there for both me and my fellow diabetics.

The FDA needs to have balance in including voices from the Diabetes Community on a committee which would assist in making decisions and advocating for action.

This will be part of our focus on a new podcast project with Landileigh Nelson and Mike Lawson, two prominent people in the diabetes community.

Stay tuned for more info!

Still Chugging Away at 43things

2009-01-24T19:13:00.002-06:00

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Self-Improving Healthy Extrovert

Finding My Way

2009-01-24T17:49:00.003-06:00

So....I think I'm finding my way again. It took me until today, when all the kids and hubby were gone, to hear myself talk. I'm almost comfortable being alone again, when now, I have to go get ready to go to a friend's hubby's 40th birthday. I feel like being alone.

So I've definitely been better about my eating habits and my lifestyle, and I feel like I'm just getting reacquainted with life. I'm feeling more energetic, so therefore, I feel like I can clean and organize my life a little more (if my husband reads this, pretend I'm feeling sick today)!

My life seems to have roadmapped itself this way: teens - angst and passion for my identity, 20's - following and belonging, 30's - lost and tethered, 40's - rushing and bustling, and now, maybe I can look forward to a Renaissance during my 50's?

I sure hope so, because this shuttling kids, volunteering, losing my body image and fitness, getting sick, falling apart kind of middle age truly sucks!

Biggest Loser - "D" Style

2009-01-20T23:18:00.007-06:00

I'm participating in a weight loss/lifestyle management contest with Landileigh and other fellow diabetics.

Wanna join?

Click on the title of this entry or the graphic to go to Landileigh's page for more information!

So I Just Learned....

2009-01-20T23:07:00.002-06:00

that Joe's cousin has cancer - all throughout her body. When I read the email she sent, and her Caring Bridge page, I cried. She's 10 years older than me. Joe was in her wedding. With Father Gerry having lung cancer, and now Joe's cousin, mortality is all too real for me.

I shouldn't be focusing on the negative. I'm not that kind of person. But I'm scared to die like my Uncle - dropping dead of a major coronary infarction at the age of 47. I mean that's only 4 years away for me.

I like being active in the diabetes community, and I'm relishing my podcast opportunity with Mike and Landileigh, but I want to live - whole heartedly. I don't want to focus on my disease.

So I went to a new internist, and she's pretty holistic. I'm going to try to lose 20 lbs just this year. And walk - every day. And eat better and take my vitamins and supplements. If I can give my body its fuel, and if I can take better care of my body, I'm hoping to outlive my diabetes until my pancreas or my heart gives out.

Wish me luck!

My Twitter Canvas

2009-01-19T00:25:00.002-06:00

I need to get back to blogging.....

2008-05-04T23:29:00.002-05:00

So....all my friends seem to be using their blog for good. They blog about their families, blog pictures of their kids, their travels....and me, I just putter.

So...I'm making a commitment to blog more.

And I need to use my 43things account more. I got so much done - however, I don't want to be just sitting at my computer 42 hours a day (as if I had that much time).

Let's see how this foray into writing may go.....

The ADHD Podcaster

2006-06-11T17:13:00.001-05:00

So dealing with an ADHD child or teen or two can be pretty frustrating. Here's a link I found that might help!
The ADHD Podcaster

The Daily Grind

2006-06-11T13:01:00.001-05:00

The Daily Grind

Well....

2006-01-10T22:03:00.001-06:00

the card finally came in and it’s a nice one indeed….

I am A+ just as I thought!

See more progress on: know my blood type

I got a GPS for Christmas!

2006-01-01T21:08:00.001-06:00

I'm crossing this one off....

2005-12-18T18:12:00.001-06:00

Need to remember next year to start very early again. AND - order three color ink cartridges and 2 photo color cartridges!

See more progress on: Send out Christmas cards in 2005

This photo has been deleted from public view by someone pushing the "may offend" button

2005-12-11T23:40:00.001-06:00

This photo has been deleted from public view by someone pushing the "may offend" button
Originally uploaded by creativity+.

This is an awesome photo by one of my 43things friends and local colleagues here in St. Louis. Funny how today, at Mass at St. Cronan's, my husband protested praying for a group of people who were enduring a minefield in order to release prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. What's wrong with praying for someone's safety, regardless if you agree with the premise? Even if you are for the death penalty, is there something wrong with praying for someone else's soul lest how depraved it is? This creation said a lot to me. I guess that's why I am a teacher. Even though I am privileged and have grown up so, I really have seen the pain these enemies can do. I do so wish we could all be equal so there was no more suffering in the world. I hope that everyone could have the privileges I have had. This has been a Thanksgiving come lately for me.

Well....

2005-12-04T17:18:00.001-06:00

I should know it in a couple of weeks. I donated blood today at the New Cathedral for Fr. Gerry’s challenge.

Even got Hubby to come with me – he’s B+. Felt good!

See more progress on: know my blood type

Jack Handy?

2005-11-25T00:30:00.000-06:00

Mwwwwhahhahahaahhhaa!

2005-11-25T00:10:00.000-06:00

Here's a little gift for you all!

http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?MomsL8

This is another cute quiz.....

2005-11-24T14:32:00.000-06:00

M	Meek
O	Overwhelming
M	Mysterious
S	Spunky
L	Lovable
8

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Hee hee!

2005-11-24T14:24:00.000-06:00

How to make a MomsL8

Ingredients:

3 parts friendliness

3 parts silliness

1 part empathy

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little emotion if desired!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Another cool quiz.....

2005-11-24T14:22:00.000-06:00

You're a girl power mommy! You love to be girly,
but you're no pushover. Your kids are learning
that gender differences don't have to mean
gender inequality. You've taken back pink, and
you don't care who knows it!

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Give me some hugs.....please???

2005-11-24T14:19:00.000-06:00

*HUGS* TOTAL!
give MomsL8 more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

It's approaching!

2005-11-24T13:58:00.000-06:00

Ok - here we go again!

2005-11-24T13:52:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to lose weight again with Ediets.....

Personality Test Results-Enneagram Scale

2005-09-25T11:01:00.001-05:00

Personality Test Results: "

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Type 3	Image Focus	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Type 4	Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Your main type is 7
Your variant is social

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Personality Test Results-Enneagram Types

2005-09-25T11:01:00.000-05:00

Personality Test Results: "

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Oh Muh Gawd....ready to party?????

2005-09-18T13:06:00.000-05:00

Ok – everyone who has been following this drama:

I HAVE A SINK!!!! Ok – before you break out the champagne – don’t yet – it’s not installed yet.

It’s sitting in the laundry room placed where it’s going to be connected – and hubby says TODAY!

He says at breakfast – do you want a short or long faucet.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG - I almost pissed my pants!

It’s there – it’s just not connected…..

Now…as with everything – for example, when I first met him – like a month into our relationship, I said I needed to put a speakers for my nice new Kenwood stereo in my oil-guzzling, smoking Honda CVCC (yeah, like a 1979), and he says – OHHHH, I can do that for you! So I ask him how long it will take – he waves his hand and me and guffaws – oh, bout an hour…...SIX HOURS LATER and my doors are off my car, taken apart, I tell him I’ve got to go to work sometime! He does get it done, but it was a rigamorole.

This will be the sink saga, too – as almost 20 years later, it’s the predictable problem-solving pattern of my DH.

But I will hug him when he finally does get it in….and I’m sooooo close I can taste it!!!

See more progress on: Put a laundry tub in the laundry room

Another example...

2005-09-18T12:22:00.000-05:00

is my mother. We have never gotten along – I think, most probably from birth. I have tried not to duplicate ANYTHING she has does in her life – from being a woman to being a mother from being a career person. Sometimes, when I find myself acting like her, I have to shake myself and think about all the pain she caused me as a child.

She’s a master at this one, and she most recently threw her spiked barbs at me once again (don’t you hate that when you’re 40, your parents can still take you into a room and anihilate you with their lectures?).

I have tried to respect her sagacity (because the only thing she’s got going for her is really her experience, not that it’s wisdom, but she has lived before me), but still, there’s just things that people think that shouldn’t be said.

I take everything she says personally – after all, shouldn’t it be your mother who would love you lest you be an axe murderer? I keep thinking of Sisten Helen Prejean and “Dead Man Walking,” but to be honest, I think that if my mother were faced with a choice of $1M or me, she would honestly choose that money – or possibly the companionship of a man.

As a teacher, I am so aware of the power of words and how they can hurt. My mother thinks I am hurtful – but I had an excellent teacher.

Albeit I have had counseling for years regarding my soft spots and my mother, I still need to get over her hurtful remarks, and realize that it’s not about me – many people feel this way about her, and that I need to continue on with how I feel, regardless of whether or not I feel it “measures up.”

I guess that’s why this is on my goal list. I will be forever seeking approval because my mother puts me in the position – and most likely will do so until she dies – and I take everything everyone else says to heart.

I thought once I turned 40, it would all magically disappear – as if I would never have to deal with teenaged insecurities again, but I still need to work on this.

See more progress on: learn how to ignore hurtful useless comments

Casinos on Mississippi's Gulf Coast - PreKatrina

2005-09-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

DSCN0085 Originally uploaded by MomsL8.

I was looking at some vacation photos - and found this one. I think I took some excellent photos of the coastline on my SLR camera, so I don't have them uploaded to flickr, but here are some casinos (except for Magic) that were moved up above Beach Blvd. in last month's storm called Katrina. I will miss this area - Godspeed to the folks of this region - wonderful people, really. I pray for an easy recovery - and I'll be back down to enjoy the vitality once again!

Once Again....

2005-08-14T13:38:00.000-05:00

This space is not here for judgmental holier-than-thou intellectual beings who have no right to superimpose their beliefs on others.

I closed commenting off due to people thinking they have the inherent right to cynicize everything in my life.

It's not your life, nor your space, for this to occur. Go play in traffic somewhere.

Geesh - no one should have to explain why or how someone blogs.

One more comment, and I will just eliminate commenting at all.

Hasn't your mother ever taught you that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?

End of sermon - back to regular mundane boring life for some of you higher beings.

Yay, Kelly!

2005-08-08T18:46:00.000-05:00

I did the kitchen mission today!

I know she says not to put things away – but what the heck, I did! I had a stack of Tupperware sitting there – put that away. I had my basket where I keep plastic silverware for parties out since April – put that away. Pitched a whole bunch of junk. Put the water bottles up on the shelf in the laundry room. Took excess prescription bottles upstairs. And I wiped EVERYTHING down!

Whoohoo – that made me feel good! One small babystep, but there’s a heck of a LONG way to go!

See more progress on: Do the Flylady daily missions

Small mall walk....

2005-08-08T18:40:00.000-05:00

today when buying shoes and products from Clinique. Took the youngest DS with me – so we skedaddled. About 1/2 mile or 1/2 hour, I’d say. Exhilarating, but probably not enough.

See more progress on: walk three times a week

And so it begins....

2005-08-08T18:02:00.000-05:00

Another school year....I have to be back at school for a luncheon on Wednesday, then Thurday am for breakfast and another lunch for good....the onslaught will hit me.

I still haven't written my curriculum. I guess I better finally get typing.

I feel pretty successful in that I've ordered the house a little - but this year will be a killer school year for 10 y.o. DS, so I best get going.

I miss my life of literacy - writing and reading - the easier job of teaching remedial reading.

Just went for my yearly well woman exam also. Gotta do my second mammogram. Yuck...

and boy was that scale creeping up on me. The job has really taken a toll on my psyche, with restricting my reading and my healthy diet.

I am clenching my fists and gritting my teeth, like a teenager dragged onto a rollercoaster ride, when I think of going back.

Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing - the move to another district, leaving journalism to teach, marrying, the whole kitten kaboodle.

And then by December, I get to thinking I did.....

We'll see what kind of year this will be. Keep a stiff upper lip and a positive outlook - let's see if that will get me through it!

And yet another gem....

2005-08-08T01:14:00.000-05:00

Because I just like to see what everyone is up to...

Fun and spunky, you link, there for you are! This
is all fun and games, and you do what you
damned well please!

What kind of blogger am I?
brought to you by Quizilla

Cats

2005-08-08T01:11:00.000-05:00

I just had to! Hee hee!

The Cheshire Cat! You're a sly cat who grins on the
outside, but schemes on the inside. Even your
best friends don't realize that you may
actually be their worst enemy!

What kind of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok...had the walk!

2005-08-08T00:46:00.000-05:00

Today, I was well-meaning in getting up at 8 and desiring to hit some majestic beautiful sights of St. Louis on a walk with the dog and my camera. Instead….I putzed around on the computer until noon, when my youngest asked me to take him with me on a walk. He, being the art afficionado he is, wanted to go to the Laumeier Sculpture Park, to which he has been numerous times, even knowing where all the sculptures are and the names of them (if he hasn’t coined a cute name himself). So we went…dog, son, camera and me…and we hiked…and hiked….I ended up snapping 53 or so shots – testing out my architecture angles and settings. Check them all out in flickr if you choose. And I’m sure we walked for over an hour…trekking up hills and down wooded paths…it felt good, but I was HOT, starved, and tired by the time we were finished.

See more progress on: walk three times a week

'Tis Done!

2005-08-06T19:22:00.000-05:00

Okies….I joined…and I registered 4 books at bookcrossing.

Commit random acts of literacy! Read & Release at
Book Crossing

And here's my wish list:

I’m going to release my first one to my manicurist, then plan on leaving the other three at different places in my city, since it’s not proliferated there.

This is kinda cool, and I am hesitant and nervous, but I figure – what the heck! Sistert’s comments really encouraged me to think about this in a new light!

See more progress on: join bookcrossing.com

Get Motivated - Stay Motivated: Need procrastination help?

2005-07-30T13:48:00.000-05:00

Get Motivated - Stay Motivated: Need procrastination help?

I sooooo need this...right now, I should be writing my curriculum....or at best, getting in the shower and handling the events of the day.

Instead, I'm sitting here....avoiding.

Oh well...

Started.....

2005-07-30T00:34:00.000-05:00

Running with Scissors yesterday at the pool. I think I’m at page 50 or something. Damned funny book, and so realistic to my life, it’s not even funny. Gawd, no wonder I’m screwed up! :-) Now, if RL doesn’t get in the way, maybe I can finish it before Aug. 1?

See more progress on: Read one book a month

Test post

2005-07-20T18:34:00.000-05:00

I am doing 43 things.

Well so far so good....

2005-07-18T21:57:00.000-05:00

This foray into blogging has gone well for me. I am glad I am doing something for me. I do not write anything here for educational or entertainment purposes. I am blogging for my sake. If anything here offends others or doesn't seem up to par, sorry - this is my space. I hope to diversify, branch out, and grow, in my abilities to release a lot of my feelings, dream, hopes, and aspirations, but until then, this has been a huge leap of faith for me. I'm glad I did it, but I'm not going to justify why and how I am blogging and what I blog about. This space used to be private for a long time, with no comments enabled. To open those features up has been a good step for me, but I'm glad I'm able to respect others' space as well.

Gibby Greets the Company

2005-07-18T12:40:00.000-05:00

Gibby Greets the Company
Originally uploaded by MomsL8. Here's my bestest friend in the world...my blue merle Shetland Sheepdog, Gibby. He's my sweetheart.....

I'm frustrated!

2005-07-18T12:09:00.000-05:00

Ok....now I can't get 43things to post from there....and don't know where to begin to figure that out....but I also can't get my Flickr badge to post right under my 43things list.....I'm not an idiot! But sometimes....as I round the bend of 40....I'm feeling like one!

Sunsets

2005-07-16T12:00:00.000-05:00

Img2005-07-04_0054,
originally uploaded by MomsL8.

This is my favorite photo from vacation.

Yayyyyy!

2005-07-15T23:00:00.000-05:00

I made a new template today.....added my cool link to my 43Things....and added my Flickr photos - I'm not sure why they aren't showing up yet....but I think this will be a neat thing. If I just remember to do this....blog at least once a week....oops, I better change one of my goals to reflect that. If anyone has any helpful links, tips, secrets, please, please, please share!

Flickr

2005-07-15T22:27:00.000-05:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

2004-03-06T10:54:00.000-06:00

Well, today I should be working out and dieting, but I already consumed a Mocha Latte and a Cinnamon Crunch bagel from Bread Co., my vice. Perhaps I will do better later today. I have a ton of grading to do, as my quarter grades will be due Monday, March 15th, of course, the Monday after my illustrious 38th birthday. I almost made myself 39 in a conversation with my sister this morning. We shared stories and solutions about our dreaded eczema. My hubby started laughing about the "hand" box my sister covets - a box of medications and solutions she guards with her life. The eczema on my finger is so bad my students don't want me to hand out papers for fear of "getting" something! :-) If they just knew that **STRESS** makes the flare-ups worse! Well, today I should get going - I have to take pants to the tailor, deposit my tuition reimbursement check, get some new pillows for the bed, buy cat food, and pick up prescriptions. I really need to get my transcript from Webster so I can finish the process at Rockwood. And I need to peg my hubby to show me how to get my images hosted. Not to mention, the reading I have to do in Growing Up Gifted for my survey class. Hopefully, I'll find my creative literary magazine downstairs and begin writing creatively, once again! Until then....

2004-03-04T21:55:00.000-06:00

Ohhhh yeahhh baby - the 80s WERE my life!

2004-03-04T21:09:00.000-06:00

You're The Guns of August!

by Barbara Tuchman

Though you're interested in war, what you really want to know is what
causes war. You're out to expose imperialism, militarism, and nationalism for what they
really are. Nevertheless, you're always living in the past and have a hard time dealing
with what's going on today. You're also far more focused on Europe than anywhere else in
the world. A fitting motto for you might be "Guns do kill, but so can
diplomats."

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

2004-03-04T21:02:00.000-06:00

Aragorn
Please rate my quiz I worked hard for it thanks

Which Lord of the Rings person do you want? (many out comes for anyone plus pics to)
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-04T20:55:00.000-06:00

OMG! I almost died when I saw this quiz. Being a middle school English teacher and all, I thought I would test just how well I practice what I preach......well, lemme show ya!

You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your
authority. You will crush all the inferior
people under the soles of your jackboots, and
any who question your motives will be
eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane
of every other person's existence, because
you're constantly contradicting stupidity.
Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams
of a master race of spellers and grammarians
frighten the masses. You must always watch your
back. If only your power could be used for good
instead of evil.

What is your grammar aptitude?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-04T20:51:00.000-06:00

Fulfilling Duty. Whether this is based on what
society has taught you or your own sense of
right and wrong, you have a strong sense of
duty that you need to fulfill in order to feel
right about yourself. This doesn't necessarily
mean you're driven by guilt, though. It could
just as easily be the tickle of pleasure you
get from doing the right thing. ^_^ You just
have to be careful not to forget that other
things are also important sometimes, like
looking after yourself. Please rate my test, if
you liked it.

How do you seek fulfillment in life? (for girls) [with pics I found]
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-04T20:45:00.000-06:00

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-04T20:41:00.000-06:00

You are the Goddess of Fire. You live with extreme
passion... Either with Sexuallity, creativity,
or just pure energy. You are most likly in peak
shape either menatly or physically or both. You
are one of the most Powerful of the Four
Goddesses.
Other Fire Goddesses: Brigit, Freya, Hestia, Pele,
Vesta

Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-04T20:37:00.000-06:00

You are Cleopatra of the Nile. The great
biographer of the time, Plutarch, wrote of
Cleopatra, 'Her actual beauty, it is said, was
not in itself so remarkable that none could be
compared with her, or that no one could see her
without being struck by it, but the contact of
her presence, if you lived with her, was
irresistible . . . It was a pleasure merely to
hear the sound of her voice, with which, like
an instrument of many strings, she could pass
from one language to another . . .' You have a
spark in you that draws other people to you.
Indeed, you are drawn to others because you are
always curious. People can talk to you; and
you have a passion in life to know, live, love,
and learn. Please rate my quiz.

What famous female ruler are you? (written for the girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-04T20:31:00.000-06:00

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-04T20:29:00.000-06:00

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-04T20:21:00.000-06:00

Well, this is my first entry in my new blog. I hope to enlighten everyone with my deep, vast thoughts, but on other occasions, I most probably will just post garbage like quizilla stuff. Maybe you might get to read my poetry....my goal is to write once more! I'll try to start posting my old stuff.....high school literary magazine kinda stuff.

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